So, it’s a little strange to be updating my blog on a Wednesday… but, today is 3 weeks out. North Americans is a little different this year. It’s kinda like separate events for each division. I have check-in’s on a Tuesday and show day is on a Wednesday! I don’t have much to update on since show day a few days ago, but here’s how things have been going since I got back.
On Sunday I flew home at 8am and got back around 11am. Today was my “free” day post show – which means no training and no diet to follow. I went to Whole Foods, got a salad (I know, I know hahahah), slice of pizza, and some macarons. I ate it all in one sitting and wasn’t really even that hungry to begin with. I got home around noon and slept until 4pm. I got out of bed, ate some Halo Top on the coach and watched HGTV and was back in bed by 7pm. Being sick, my lack of sleep 2 nights in a row, and being dehydrated realllly kicked my butt. I was the most worthless thing on Sunday – you couldn’t have gotten me to do anything!
What’s tough about this week is that my lease is up. I hadn’t started moving until Monday morning… literally I hadn’t done a thing. The last few days have been stressful and tiring trying to pack up, make trips down to RW, get my training in, and get over this cold. Cheyanne came yesterday to get all her stuff, my dad stopped by the get the big stuff, and now today the cleaner’s are coming. (Yes, we hired someone to clean our apartment… We didn’t want to.)
So… now for the honest stuff. The transparent, vulnerable stuff that I really debated leaving out of this post. But I know that others need to see and know that I struggle, too. On Monday, I messaged my coach and told him I didn’t want to do the show. I told him I didn’t feel ready. I told him I didn’t have what it took. That I didn’t feel excited or motivated or passionate. That I wanted to end my season early and call it. I convinced myself this is what I wanted to do. Red and I talked about it and ultimately I decided to keep going – hence this blog post being that I’m still 3 weeks out. But then Red called me on my bullshit. He told me that I’m hindering my progress and potential with my mindset. He said that my subconscious mind and my conscious mind are sending different messages. That I need to shake my self doubt, shake my insecurity, and cut the shit. He explained to me how the “little voice” in my head is screwing me over… and he’s right. He’s absolutely right. He really gave me a dose of reality… Obviously, this is a shortened version of our conversation, but it really struck a chord with me and resonated very deeply. I was super emotional. We basically just talked about how I need to make sure my “little voice” is saying the same thing he’s saying, what strangers are saying, what friends are saying… So basically, a little more self confidence and belief in myself. He explained he still wanted me to be able to see the “negative” so I know what needs improvement so I can continue to get better and better… but I need to work on finding the balance between the two. If I can’t figure this out, I’m not going to mentally be in the right place to make my dreams a reality. I’m going to work on it. It’s something I need to do for me, and no one can do it for me. It was hard for me to have him call me on a personality flaw… those things hit hard. But I know he loves and cares about me, and only wants me to succeed. I am so grateful for him, his wisdom, and his guidance. And now… I’m focused. I’m ready. I’m moving forward with my prep into my first national show.
As for my protocols going into this show… we’re doing something I’m terrified of. We’re upping my calories by about 600 and cutting my cardio in half. YEAH. I’m not kidding. But I trust Red, and he truly thinks my body is going to respond well. My macros are 160p 160c 50f and I’m doing 40 minutes of MISS/day. If you go way back in my blog archive, I posted about this strategy way back when I first started working with Red after M3 last year. He did the same thing…. cut my cardio, increased my cals… and the weight just fell off. He thinks my body will respond the same way this time… giving my body and mind a “break” so to speak. Letting it “chill out”… I’m hoping this will work. I trust him. He said if it doesn’t, we’ll go into the next plan. More cardio, less food. We’re just going to keep going until we figure out what’s going to work to get me teeny, tiny, and shredded for this show. It’s a little too soon to tell at this point (I’m still shedding water from my cheat meals and extra carbs) but I’ll be updating on this strategy next week. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens. I don’t have a ton of time, but I have ENOUGH time to make progress and get tighter.
I’m planning on keeping my presentation the same for nationals. I loved my hair, I loved my suit, and I loved the overall “look” I brought. I think it’s perfect for me. I haven’t seen any stage shots yet, but once they’re posted, I’m going to send them in for judge’s feedback. I am anticipating to hear that I need to come in leaner and more conditioning with tighter hams and glutes. I’m super objective so I think my feedback for myself will be similar to what I hear from the judge’s. We’ll see, though! I’ll keep you guys updated on that as well.