Hello friends! It’s the beginning of May which means, SHOW MONTH is here! I keep singing “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” in my head (in Dory’s voice obviously) because that’s literally all I can do now. There is no turning back. I’ve been going for 17 weeks and 3 more isn’t going to kill me… I hope.
This has been the hardest week of prep by far. By bounds, and bounds, and bounds. The mood swings, the tears, the exhaustion… I just haven’t been able to catch a break it seems these past few days. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but I’ve been feeling incredibly defeated. I don’t feel ready, my joints hurt, and I’m just flat out exhausted. I sleep all the time… I fell asleep on the couch at the dance studio waiting for my class to begin. I fell asleep at school. I fell asleep in my parked car. The fatigue of all the cardio sessions, all the weight training, etc. all seemed to add up and hit me like a semi (or 10) all at once this week. This past Tuesday, my exhaustion was so severe that my boss sent me home from work. I was supposed to teach 5+ hours of dance that night and she sent me home and told me to sleep. I didn’t argue with her – and I’m glad I didn’t because I felt completely renewed and refreshed the next morning after tons of sleep. No matter how much caffeine I consume, how much sleep I get, how well I take care of my body… I just can’t shake the fatigue. But this isn’t my first rodeo, and I know this is normal. I know this will pass and I know that if I wasn’t feeling this was, something wouldn’t be right. I’ve gotten a ton of support from friends and family and people thru social media, and as insignificant as it may seem, it has made a huge impact.
Early this week, my anxiety was unbearable. I had sent my check-in’s to Joe on Friday (when he specified to) and it was Tuesday night of the following week and I still hadn’t gotten a response…. In my brain I was freaking out and thinking, “Holy crap, I’m 3 weeks out and I haven’t had any changes to my nutrition plan in months”. I was obsessively checking my email every 3 minutes hoping to hear back. It was so detrimental to my attitude, my time, and my workouts. When I heard back, the relief flooded thru me and I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Stress and anxiety are REAL, you guys. There are physiological changes that occur in your body when you are stressed – things you don’t want to happen. Especially at 3 weeks out.
So I’m not sure how much I’ve discussed it on my blog here, but I am HUGE advocate for listening your body. Your body knows. It is smarter and wise than you and it is ultimately in charge no matter how much you want to believe otherwise. On Sunday, JAMM had picture day. Picture day at the dance studio is quite the ordeal. All the kids put on all of their costumes and they do individual and group photos. THE WHOLE STUDIO. Every class, every student. I was working from 7am-8:30pm and I was absolutely shot. And of course I needed to go train after that… I dragged myself to the gym, but struggled. I had a leg day and 1 hour of cardio planned. I started with my cardio and finished it, but ultimately decided that I was going to wait to do my leg day until tomorrow. It was 11pm, my body was shutting off, and I wasn’t putting in a full effort. I thought that if I waited to do it tomorrow (add it on to my back/shoulders lift) that not only would I have more energy, but I would also put in more effort. My body was fighting so hard against me on Sunday night and I was going to do more harm to my body than good if I pushed my lift into 12am-1am. For awhile, I felt guilty about this. I felt guilty for deciding to do my legs in the morning. And I realized that I felt this way because all I ever see on my Instagram feed late at night are things along the lines of, “Long day, but I’m here training anyways!” and “Training late tonight, so tired, so exhausted, but kicking ass anyways!”. I think because I see “everyone” else doing that, that I thought I needed to as well. But reflecting now, I am not like everyone else. I am not going to injure myself training due to exhaustion- especially when I could just do that training 12 hours later and feel GREAT doing it. Doing it SAFELY. Point is, do what you need to do. I listened to my body that night, and I’m so glad I did. Don’t let social media make you believe you’re doing something right or wrong. Like you’re not putting in enough effort. You need to live your life the way it works for you and that’s that.
On another note, I decided to track my miles this week. Joe has me running for ALL my cardio… He said, “run as much as possible”. Sooooo… yup. That means all of it. I run 30 minutes fasted in the AM, and 30 minutes after my lift. I rest on Friday’s though, so in 6 days I ran 27.03 miles. 27!!! I hated running and could barely run one mile without stopping. I made it to 6.25 miles without stopping this week. Quite the accomplishment for muah! 🙂