SATURDAY: Today, I have been incredibly anxious. More anxious than I have been in very, very long time. Zach’s graduation party was today and the amount of people in my home was overwhelming. What was even more difficult was the small talk about dance, bodybuilding, my life, etc. I have some horrendous social anxiety and I spent 1/2 of Zach’s party upstairs in my room trying to calm myself down. I was also anxious because of how my body responded to the pizza I had yesterday… I sent pictures to my coach first thing in the morning and he said that we “accomplished” what we intended to do – which was fill me out. BUT my body also decided to have some adverse effects and hold on to SIX pounds of water. I woke up yesterday at 114.2 (lowest EVER) and woke up the morning after my cheat meal at 120.4 pounds. This was a huge mental mind f*ck for me, but coach said not to worry and that it would go away and I would appear leaner than before once the water and bloat subsided. Today I started Xpel – a water pill/diuretic that is going to help dry me out and remove the water from underneath my skin. I take 4 pills in the AM, and 4 in the afternoon. I’m hoping it will make a difference and actually work – I haven’t taken it before! Work out was awesome today… I did a full body lift (which I took a little too literally because it took me almost 2 hours) and cardio. I have to wear clothes all week during my sessions to make sure I sweat, sweat, SWEAT! So basically – I wear big heavy sweatpants, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, and sweatbelt during my cardio. While I’m doing it, I feel like I’m dying… But afterwards, I felt great. My ICON Meals were delivered today and I definitely had a protein PB & J after my cardio sesh… I couldn’t resist. They are just too dang good!
SUNDAY: Six more sleeps! Nutrition and cardio have remained the same for today. No changes as of yet! Started off my morning with my oats and chicken and then spent an hour posing with my mama! I helped her with her front pose and angles and what not… I’m proud of her. She has improved ten fold since her last show and I can’t wait to see her on stage in a few weeks with me! I have upper body circuits this whole week – and I spent about 45 min working legs. High reps, moderate weight. It was about noon, and I was starving… Thankfully I brought one of my ICON Meals with (tilapia and green beans) and I refueled before my first session of cardio. Cardio was cardio. I headed home, showered, relaxed for a bit and then hit upper body downstairs. I have a barbell and few sets of dumbbells downstairs so those definitely come in handy at times where I don’t want to go back to the gym yet again! After I ate a couple meals, I drove to Hastings to meet Tori to bring her her ICON Meals for the week. We met at Coborn’s in Hastings because RUMOR HAD IT that they carried the fruity crisp Oreos…. Verdict? They don’t. We were disappointed. But we aren’t giving up! Tori said she was going to check out a Hyvee sometime this week. Fingers are definitely crossed! We sat in my car and chatted for a few and then I went back to the gym for my second session of cardio. I had 25 min of stairs – fully clothed. Sweatshirt, sweat belt, sweat pants, everything. It ended up being a really emotional session… Coach and I have been looking at photos of other girls who will be at my show this weekend and he pin pointed the overall winner already. While I believe I’m incredibly realistic and objective in terms of my own body, I realized that during my cardio I slipped into the mindset of “well, the best I can get is second”. And I got really angry. Like really, really angry. I sent a message to my coach (basically on a complete rampage of peak week emotions) saying that I didn’t want to settle. And that I felt like I was training for second because we talked about how I probably won’t take it anyways… I told him I was upset and angry with myself for falling into that mindset because I want to train like a champion no matter what, no matter who shows up. I said that I’m changing my mindset, I’m going to train like a monster this week, and I’m going to try to prove him wrong. I’m going to fight for that damn overall. Bold? Maybe… But his response? “Awesome. Mind of a winner. I like it.
MONDAY: I like Monday’s. Not a lot of people do, but they are just like any other day for me. Gotta admit, I had the most amazing food day. Not having any restrictions during peak week is pretty phenomenal! I started off my day with my usual oats, eggs, and peanut butter.. Huge staple in my diet and I couldn’t survive without it. For lunch, I met with my friend Jericah to catch up a bit. Catch the word “lunch”? Yeah, I pulled up and realized I forgot mine. So, that happened… Hello prep brain! It was super nice to see her and we jumped right back into things like we hadn’t skipped a beat. I went back home, ate my chicken, zucchini, mushrooms, and red velvet protein cake balls and hit the gym! Another full body sesh in the books. I went back home, ate an ICON Meals protein PB&J (which is my favorite meal from ICON) and then went BACK to hit my second cardio sesh. I went to the Y and decided to change it up. I have been using the stair mill for the past few days and I was getting bored of it… After my cardio, I sat in the sauna for about 10 minutes and freakin’ cooked. I was wearing my Lululemon Scuba hoodie and I sweat thru it… I was proud of that! Ha! I showered up, came home, and enjoy my last meal of the day… Protein ice cream. The volume… The delicious-ness that is ice cream… It’s an every day staple now that I’m flexible dieting again. I ended up eating my last meal around 7pm – which is a little early for me. After, I went over to my mom’s house and we hung out for a bit. We chatted, caught up, and I helped her “stuff” her bikini to get all ready for Sioux Falls. We both received a confirmation voicemail from NPC Midwest saying they got registrations – so that was super exciting! Getting closer… Feeling good…
TUESDAY: Today was a battle. I. am. so. dang. hungry. And it’s probably been 10x worse because I didn’t have anything planned all day… So I literally sat around doing nothing thinking about how hungry I was, which obviously did not help! I ended up eating a meal and being so hungry afterwards that I had to leave the house. I went to the gym and sat on the spin bike to get my mind off of food. Literally anything to distract myself… Since my cheat meal on Friday, my weight has consistently been going down, but I haven’t hit any new lows or anything – which is fine. I still have time. My lifts in the gym are consisting of full body workouts still – 2 exercises per body part with 2 sets of 12-15 reps. Not bad at all… Typically only in the weight area for about an hour. It’s weird for me to not push myself to the max. I feel like I’m not working hard, which is so unlike me. I’m trying to mentally get around it. Another day down!
WEDNESDAY: Today was another weird, all-over-the-place day. I woke up, took my check-in pictures and felt really defeated. I felt like I was looking aesthetically worse as the days had gone by this week. I brought my concerns to coach and he told me that I was right, but that is what is SUPPOSED to happen. He said he gave me the refeed on Friday to see how I would respond… the practice “peak”. So on Sunday (where I looked my best), I saw what I would look like peaked… and I want to maintain that look. But what’s happening is I’m flattening back out to peak again. So he said that yes, the feeling of moving “backwards” is accurate, but it’s necessary. Today I dropped back into the 114 range, but still not a new low… Mentally working hard to be okay with that. Around noon, I left for Burnsville to watch one of my students, Haley, dance at finals and I stopped at Byerly’s on the way home after chatting with coach again about my “carb up” on Friday. He said he wants me to leave as many carbs as possible for night time. So that means I get to eat chicken all day long and then feast! I’m supposed to have calorie dense foods that won’t bloat me. My macros for Friday are 120p/250c/35f and I have officially planned accordingly! Some 3 oreos, 4 mini cinnamon rolls, and about 5.5 servings of Frosted Flakes (my fave) will get me to the 250 carbs. You can say that absolutely freakin’ STOKED is an understatement! I headed to the gym once I got back into town and walked on the treadmill in my sweat suit (lol) for an hour at an incline. Coach wants the intensity of my cardio down so I stay in my fat burning zone. Ran into Jericah and it was so nice to hang with her for a bit! She watched me pose and really made me feel confident. Things are falling into place! Feeling super lean right now – I’m normally bloated by the time I have all my food and water in. Hoping for some good results in the AM!
THURSDAY: I’m laying in bed typing this entry at 7:30pm after I just ate my last meal. It’s still bright as heck out but if I didn’t head upstairs, I know I was going to eat everything in sight. Cravings haven’t been bad at all these past couple of weeks, but of course (OF COURSE) they hit me at 2 days out. I was at the store grabbing razors/shaving cream and I went to look at food because DUH and I literally had my hands on packages of cookies and I set them down. I didn’t need them. I was impressed by my ever-so-improved self discipline! I spent most of the day getting things ready. With every show I’ve done, I’ve learned that it is so vital for me to get things set WAY before I think I need to. My competition suitcase (where I keep my suit, shoes, makeup, stuff like that), my hotel overnight bag, my Sunday photoshoot bag, my meals for Fri/Sat/Sun, and all other extras are packed and ready to go. All I need to do still is 1) shave my whole body 2) do my nails (yes, I’m cheap and bought press ons) and 3) get my booty up to the cities. I had to change up my cardio today and I was in the for the biggest surprise… I honestly thought it was going to be easy. I thought it would be an easy day. NO. nope nope nope nope nope. I spent 10 minutes in the sauna and then walked at an incline for 15 minutes… then I repeated it 4x. Think it sounds easy? Yep, so did I. It was honestly a death I wasn’t expecting to die. BUT because of it, my first ab vein made an appearance! I very obnoxiously snapped as many pictures as I possible could to document it! Haha! Very light full body pump up “workout” took me about 20 minutes. I felt lame. I miss lifting heavy and putting the work in. For now, I’ll be resting, watching OITNB, and trying not to eat a small village and child.
FRIDAY: Today started early as heck and of course it was with fasted cardio… *insert upside down smiley face*. The whole 10 minutes sauna, 15 minutes incline walk and repeating it 4 times is seriously some tough stuff. Do NOT try it if you don’t have to, cause you’ll want to call it quits after the first round, trust me. I finished my cardio around 7:30am and went to my mom’s and she helped me shave my back. I did the rest of my shaving and then headed back home to pack everything up and load the car. I left earlier than I should have due to my raging appetite, being bored, and just feeling anxious that I wasn’t already there… This totally backfired because I got to the hotel around 1:15pm and then wouldn’t let me check-in til 3pm. Once I could check-in, I unloaded all my stuff and set out my dark sheets over the bed and situated everything. At 5pm, I had my first tan. This time around, it was only females in our little conference room and there was 3 spray tents, but no “drying” tents. You just got to stand there naked in the cold and make awkward small talk with other naked, cold women! Tori was getting her second coat while I got my first, so we met up while we were down there. In between my tanning appointments, Tori and I went to check-ins. My height card is still applicable from last year, so I got to skip the heighting process. We got our swag bags (which were quite the disappointment) and picked up our badges, numbers, and t-shirts. I’m number 63 this weekend! After Tori and I checked in, we drove back to the host hotel and I got my second coat of tan around 7:30pm. Tori gave me a little gift today and it was the sweetest thing… Some puffed rice (which we have both been looking for and obsessing over), some protein bars, a couple of the single serving Lenny & Larry cookies, and gum. The girl knows a way to my heart, I’m telling you! I drove back to my hotel (an Extended Stay America down the road) and spent the rest of the night getting ready for the morning and relaxing. Coach and I have been talking all day today and I should be dialed in in the AM when I wake up… Right now, I’ll pray I don’t have too crazy of a “show day nightmare” and prepare for my delicious breakfast in the morning. Tomorrow is the day, people!!!