This post is about 4 days overdue and I’m super sorry – sometimes life gets in the way. My students had their recital this past weekend (on my actual 8 weeks out day) and since then I’ve been running around like a crazy woman to prepare for my 3.5 week trip to Arizona to spend time with Greg. Now that I’m actually here (omg), I have time to sit and write about how my week went.
The week started out fine. On Monday, I had a dentist appointment and I was running late. What happens next I posted about on my IG, so I won’t discuss it again on my blog since the majority of people who read this are already following me there. But if you want to know a little more, check out thiat post HERE.
Two major things that I want to touch on in this entry. Both of them aren’t physique related or anything… more about my mentality and the mental progress I’ve made since I started this fitness journey.
For those who have kept up with this blog from last season, you’ll already know this. But if you’re new here, I’ll give a quick low down. I struggled with an obsessive compulsive binge disorder when I was in high school. I would barely eat anything all day long, do hours of cardio, and then come home and “give in.” I would eat everrrrything I could get my hands on and I would do it secretly. A typical episode would be an entire box of cereal (true story), Cheez-its, granola, chex mix, basically ANYTHING I could get my hands on. Textbook definition of eating disorder… literally. I would wait til everyone went to bed or find a way to hide it. I was so ashamed. It was a vicious cycle of eating and restricting and went on for months. I DID get help, and now today, 5 years later, I have a MUCH healthier relationship with food. (Disclaimer: When I started bodybuilding, I was well on my way to recovery. I didn’t go into bodybuilding competitions to mask/hide these problems – I waited until I was mentally healthier. I still had some issues along the way post-contest after my first season of competing in 2015, but find me a brand spankin’ new competitor who doesn’t, ya know? I will say I believe disorders such as these never go away completely, but we just learn how to manage them better.) If you have questions about this, feel free to reach out because I love to talk about it with others who may be dealing with that I did.
OKAY – got a little side tracked there, but I do think it’s important to remind people I’ve had my fair share of stumbles before pulling myself together. But anyways, I was driving home from the gym and randomly had the realization that I no longer associated calories with cardio time. (I used to eat something and think, “Okay, so now I need to run for 30 minutes to burn that off.” I used to use MyFitnessPal and try to make my calorie intake negative for the day. That was what I called a “successful” day.) I didn’t even understand until right then and there in my car how freakin’ awesome and freeing that is. I’m not held down with those thoughts anymore. Yeah, I do a lot of cardio right now… but not once this prep have I thought that I needed to do it to burn off something “bad” I ate. I do my cardio because it puts me in a deficit to get lean. It’s a tool to achieve my goals. It’s not punishment anymore. That’s progress. I’m not a perfect competitor by any means, but I’m trying, and I’m improving and for that I’m proud of myself. Now, I look at food as fuel. Food is no longer “pleasurable” when I’m dieting and in prep. I have to look at it solely as fuel for my body. Dissociating “food” and “pleasure” works.
Second, (and this goes along with the first) Red even said he can tell I’m mentally in a better place. A healthier place. A stronger place. Red was the one who dug me out of the hole I was burying myself in after my first season in 2015. I just wanted to eat, eat, eat and hitting my macros (that stayed dangerously low up to 9 weeks post show) seemed impossible. I continued to not hit my macros and I started to see myself as “failing” because of it. Red helped me thru it. He’s been by my side ever since and has been coaching me for over a year now. SO for him to see me at my worst, and now have him acknowledge that I’m not that girl anymore feels awesome. And that’s why I love bodybuilding… the physical transformation is such a small, microscopic part of the bigger picture.
And now onto my updated plan!!! When I see 8 weeks out typed out like that, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous as hell. I’m at that point where one second I’m thinking, “Oh yeah, Katelyn, you look great!” to “Ugh, you’ll neverrrrr be ready in time.” two minutes later. But anyone who competes knows far too well how that mind game goes. My cardio has been bumped from 40 min to 45 min 5 days/week. My diet has changed significantly… before I was on an AAAB cycle with macros of 150p, 90c, 50f on the A days and 180c on the B days. I didn’t have to track any green vegetables yet. Now, I’m starting an AAB cycle (one less low day) with macros of 150p 50c 50f on the A days and up to 180c again on the high days. NOW, I am required to track my green veggies. So essentially, carbs have been dropped again, but I get refeeds more often. I also started a new supplement regimen which I’ll be writing a separate post about.
That’s all for now. I’ll have another one up on Saturday and be back to my regularly scheduled weekly entries now that I’m on vacation.